Friday, March 5, 2010

Why do people argue?

"One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. Arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so the couple do not have to take the courageous leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough" - GAY HENDRICKS

Disclaimer – I am not a mental health professional and the information shared on this blog is not intended on any level as advice nor counsel.

A favorite saying of my father was “You were given two eyes, two ears and one mouth for a reason!” To this day people find it hard to believe my parents never argued. I know talking to my brother and people who deal with me are shocked that neither of us argue for really my whole family for that matter. We had discussions and on occasion disagreements yet we never argue

Too often I have seen people arguing over what often amounts to nothing and have wondered why? My opinions are people argue to avoid dealing with the root causes and enabling them to deceive themselves into thinking I tried something and was unsuccessful when in reality they intended to do nothing so expended enough energy to facilitate them not having to change or grow

People argue to:
  • Avoid change
  • Blow off steam
  • Protect their egos
  • Avoid personal growth
  • Distract from the real issue
  • Deny another idea has merit
  • Maintain the illusion of control
  • Facilitate remaining in their comfort zone
  • Discredit or devalue another person or people

People do it, Couples do it, Politicians are doing it in DC now

  • Who benefits from arguing?
  • How does arguing lead to a resolution or solution of the problem?
  • If both people are focused on being in control or degrading the other what is accomplished?
  • If both people or everyone involved is arguing then who is listening and even trying to understand, empathize and relation to the motivation or reasoning of the other person or people involved?

What do you think?

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