Characteristics of potential partners to avoid (business, dating, friendship, or marriage)

"You can tell how much a person values and respects you (and themselves) by the degree they are willing to inconvenience themselves, be loyal to and respect you" - the late Lionel Spearman, Sr





While I am writing about business in general many of these are universal and can be used in your personal life also

Characteristics / Traits of people to avoid

• Liars
• Thieves
• Cheaters
• Seeks only playmates
• Never says thank you
• Never asks your opinion
• Never says you are right
• Never asks how can I help you
• Agree with you all of the time
• Tell you what you want to hear
• Their way is the only “right” way
• Never says I am sorry or I was wrong
• Avoids being in public or widely known
• Gets upset when no one can read their mind
• Assumes they know what is best for everyone
• Their own opinion is the only one that matters
• Nothing is ever their fault (excuse for everything)
• Never has anything constructive or positive to say
• Will add their opinion on any topic even if not asked
• Focuses on everything you or someone else did wrong
• Confuses objective observation with subjective opinions
• Achievements of others solicits a negative often critical reaction
• Pushes you away and blames you for not staying or claims you pushed them away
• Disrespectful (i.e. - cursing you, calling you stupid, yelling at or arguing with you)
• Is quick to tell you everything they have done good for others but never what they have done bad or wrong they learned from
• Manipulative (i.e. uses word tricks so instead of saying here is what I did wrong and need to work on instead say here is how it is their fault I did this)

Two simple real life examples:

• a person who you are dating cheats on you with someone else then blames you for not paying enough attention to them or the other person for tempting them
• a person you entrusted to run your business stole money then blamed it on you or some circumstance and never asked you for help

If you don’t make a total commitment to whatever you’re doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It’s tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on.- Lou Holtz

Fear based decisions

So often in society we are taught to base our choices and decisions on fear. Fear causes us to make the wrong choices and make poor quality decisions. Fear based decisions also at their root cause people to pick up and carry the baggage of those who projected their limitation onto us. When we act in fear we abdicate our control and we place limitation on ourselves that prevent us from living up to our potential. What is even worse is we give power and credibility to people who not only should we not be empowering but truth is so often they do not care less and move on to the next victim. Because they themselves has little to no personal worth they steal yours and once the damage is done often move on to seek out new victims to harm.We in our reaction give power to people who should not have any and we often allow them to change who we are - this is wrong.

A classic example of this is our political system - so often we vote and make choices not of the best candidate but the lessor of two evils or the one who scares us then promised to protect us from the fears they created instead of seeking people who offer a solution. Was speaking to a friend earlier who explained to me one of the consequences for example of GM is that now the government owns 51% of it so as a result it is really no longer General Motors but Government Motors. I will not go into the detail of how this happened but rather ask why?

Consider the thoughts shared in these videos and then ask yourself what is the basis of your decisions? Do you focus on what is not or what you have lost or what is and what you may gain? Remember life happens to all of us the only difference is how we respond to it.

Are we victims?

Self Sabotage - what is it and how to address

So often we are the authors of our own shortcomings setting ourselves up for failure and stealing defeat from the jaws of victory. Here is a simple concept - until you deal with the hate you have of yourself you will typically always do yourself harm - further if you hold prejudice, bias or hate for another that is also most likely a projected form of self hatred which will lead to sabotage because we were never allow ourselves to have any more than we think we are worthy of and deserve and if we hate ourselves we will look for reasons and continue behaviors over and over again that lead to our demise.