When people show you who they are, believe them

This is a saying credited to Maya Angelou. Many think its origins are from the phrases "actions speak louder than words" or "talk is cheap"

Here is a corollary – when people tell you things out of anger, frustration or spite listen to them and act accordingly.

Too often we get ourselves in trouble as adults by trying to rationalize why people say what they do when had we simply listened and done what they told us we would have fewer problems. Ie – when someone says leave – leave, not happy, will not work out, want to see other people, want other clients, other suppliers, etc.

Here is the first $1 million dollar question – how much stress and/or drama could you have saved yourself had you simply done what you were asked or told to instead of trying to convince them to do what you wanted by taking the situation and/or words at face value without trying to rationalize a meaning or getting that person to accept you decision as the right one?

Remember this simple truth, just because you want something does not mean others want it too!









Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you accept the fact that you cannot change people?
• Do you accept the fact that people are going to always do what they want to do?
• Are you talking in a way others can understand?
• Are you listening to what they are saying?
• Are you acting based on what they are telling you or what you want to hear?
• Are you listening with an open mind or have you already decided the outcome?
• Did you do what they told you or did you attempt to convince them to accept your point of view?

Here is the 2nd $1M question:

• If you cannot accept their point of view even though it may not be the outcome you want and you are unwilling to listen to our accept their perspective and them then how can you expect others to accept your viewpoints and opinions when you have closed your mind to everyone’s but your own?

The Secret Language of Kings (Emotional Intellegence) - Lenai Stewart

Lenaistewart sent me a great write up on twitter - I enjoyed it so much that instead of looking for something else to write I figured I would share it here 

Lenaistewart@lspearmanii I have a something ON Emotional Intelligence ck it out... http://bit.ly/RJoB

Your Affiliate Benefactor is: Lenai Stewart

E-mail: lenai@lenaistewart.com

Phone: 631-961-8811

To order this $9 Book which gets home delivered that includes an audio CD from Joe Schroeder, go to: http://www.godoyou.com/

Clear and concise communication

As a business this is important. So often business owners are obtuse and confused when people do not act or react in a way that makes sense to them and often the client or recipient of the information is not the one at fault (it is not their responsibility to interpret) rather it is yours to ensure you conveyed the information in a form and format the intended recipient can understand clearly and decisively.

I will be the first to admit that while my written, business and public communication skills are outstanding I have mush work to do in the personal arena and part of improving is first admitting there is an area that needs enhancement or augmentation. There are basically two approaches you can take to solve this

1. Get someone who understands what you mean and is able to properly convey the idea
   
2. Enhance your ability
   

Both work and are equally effective

Allow me to elaborate – the other day I was at a client site and was observing a contractor. He was explaining how tight money was and how it would be nice to have some extra change. The problem was at no point did he clearly state – I would like (if possible) for you to pay me the money owed for my work now.

Imagine doing a sales pitch and never asking for the business?

Can you imagine how effective I would be if I explained a technical problem like this:

• “I have diagnosed your computer I have determined the problem lies in its ability to communicate with the external peripheral namely your printer which uses the IEEE1394 protocol and I fixed it.” 

I know your not impressed either right. Now what if I said:

• “The reason your printer was not working is it was not plugged into the fire wire port here – once I plugged it in it worked.”
  

Better right – why – because I made an effort to explain things on a level the person could understand and built a common reference point by showing them the connection and port – get it!

Now lets take this internal to your business. Imagine you as am employer telling your employees things are tight now. In your mind you said where – that was easy I let them know the situation – truth is you did not – at no point did you clearly state definitively – payroll may be a little late but I promise as soon as I have the money you will be paid.

This is why developing your communication skills is important – it affects how effective you are in business.

Communication, Self Control and Commitment

Did you know one of the main mistakes consultants make is their attitude. I am not talking about that positive attitude success self help, am speaking of confidence and mood control. Too often a consultant fails to understand that their mood affects not only what they hear, but that the client, the person they are there to serve reacts to their mood. If they are in a bad mood or a funk they convey that to the client and often the client reacts to their mood. This is why self control is an issue and never forgetting you are dealing with people. Are you really listening to what they are saying or are you looking for various points in what they are saying to justify a choice you already made. If you are doing the latter you are eventually doomed to fail - it is that simple!

People are difficult, complex and unpredictable to a large extent, but the one thing I can promise you if you try to control them short term that may work just fine, long term it will blow up in your face. Your best bet is to control yourself – I know self control is not something we talk about much today but it is an important part of your success in both life and business.

Now lets move on to commitment, you are retained to solve a problem, to make a headache go away. You are trusted to be there during the hard times. In previous posts I spoke on the fact that as a person it is not what you do when times are good that matters only when times are difficult that shows your character. Guess what, you are there because times are hard for your client – what are you going to do – are you going to dig in and stand with them or are you going to run and say it is not my problem it is yours. The second attitude will cost you a client. Fact is in a business or a personal relationship their problem is your problem their challenge affects you and if you cannot help resolve the problem or be a part of the solution there is no reason for you to be paid. This difference is often what differentiates a good from a great consultant. Ever deal with a business where a person took the attitude of its not my job like a phone or a cable company? How did it make you feel? Did you want to do business with them? Was their focus truly on the customer or themselves? Sure they were committed but not to the client to themselves and to the dollar.

Now you need to ask yourself this question – why are you in business?