Lesson of the Day: Authentic Leadership

Of late have been doing a few posts that on teh surface appeared to be about personal relationships. That is part was done because most people can relate to them when they are worded in such a way as to make them personally identifiable. and relate-able.

I will expand on those posts I did here and on facebook using a personal story. Not that long ago I held an elected position. I was one of the people who developed the processes and criteria for that position. I presented my platform and my peer presented theirs. People also told me that they planned to vote for me. Come time I lost the election. Yet, how can you loose an election when people committed to vote for you unless they either misstated their intent or simply did not live up to their commitment?

When I lost I congratulated the winer and remained silent. There were people who came to me afterwards stating if that happened to them they would have made a loud noise regarding the outcome to which I responded - why? Had I behaved in that manner it would not have affected te outcome and would have sent the message that I disrespected the very process I helped to create. Later some of the people who did not vote for me approached me for help stating that the person they selected who told them what they wanted to hear was not living up to their commitment to them. My response was simply that I cannot help them because it is not my place or responsibility to do so and that they should hold the elected person accountable for living up to the expectations of their office. This was done because as a leader it is my responsibility even having lost the elections to help people understand they must accept the rewards and consequences of their decision so that next time out they will make a more educated choice. Sometimes when we attempt to make everything right or fix everything we do more damage then good. Ironically, over time many of those people ended up loosing their positions.

What did I do:

• Respected the process that was put in place
• Acknowledged and respected the choice of the constituents
• Held the people accountable to their choices

Too often people go for what they want to hear instead of listening for and doing what they need to for their own best interest. Also, people are shocked when they make those choices others accept them and all that the choice entails.

The lessons to be learned are:

• Listen carefully to what you are being told
• Observe the behavior of those making the commitments
• Always be consistent in what you promise to do
• Hold yourself and those connected to you accountable for their words and actions
• Education people but respect then enough to allow them to make their own choices
• Understand that you are not above the process (law)
• People's lives and business are not a game - do not play

Feel free to add anything else you feel of benefit.

The power of Accountability, Achievement and Association

We have all heard the saving the truth shall set you free.

This has been an interesting week. Was in a conversation with a friend who told me they are doing work which they believe is beneath them. I shared that there is no such thing as honest work that is beneath you and shared that almost 15 years ago I worked a part time and even cleaned toilets to pay bills as a degreed engineer and that my mother who was a certified and licensed teacher used to clean building with my grandmother to earn extra money to make up the difference. So often we place value on the wrong things and I believe we should be humble enough to appreciate the fact we have our health and the ability to do any work. While I hate this recession I think if we as a society relearn that simple truth we would have made much progress because the obsession with easy money or finding new ways to exploit instead of serve (greed) is much of the reason for our current dilemma. We have lost sight of some important core characteristics:

• Fidelity
• Respect (of self and others)
• Integrity
• Self control
• Diligence
• Accountability
• Patience
• Empathy
• Courage
• Scholarship
• Self Sacrifice

Today I was getting gas and spent about an hour talking to a young man who was telling me how his girlfriend committed suicide yesterday and how he had to cut her down.

He told me about the note they found of how life was no longer fun. He also told me about how for $200 and some change the Doctor cut her off from her medicine. This made this think about how important the quality of the people we associate with are and how they can literally mean the difference between life and death.

What are the characteristics of the people you associate with and do they challenge you to reach your potential or do they enable your continued dysfunction. Do you associate with people who work to create mutually beneficial relationships or people who look to exploit you for their own gain at your expense.

He recanted how she was tired in her notes and how life was no longer fun, there was no joy in life. She had what many consider the american dream her own house, a good job, and could do what she wanted and yet that was not enough so what was missing?

Also, to a lessor degree can some of what we see here be attributed to why some people succeed and others continue of paths of self destructive behaviors?

On Emotional Maturity & Emotional Intelligence some topics mentioned for discussion are:

• Are you mature?
• Your relationships reflect your maturity
• Are you Emotionally Mature?
• Emotional Maturity & Relationships
• Youth Fades ... Immaturity Lingers
• Emotional Control & Expression

the part I like the best because it ties back to business is

Maturity & Leadership

Leadership is more than a desire to delegate tasks. If your confidence provides orientation for unconfident followers, and if your decisions are beneficial, you will be respected. Soulwork coaching can help you accomplish family, team or organizational goals. Soulwork can help you:

1. maintain a clear vision that encourages people to align with you
2. create an environment where people want to be responsible
3. clearly describe what is necessary for quality performance
4. transfer responsibility to the people who do the work
5. develop individual capability and competence
6. set an example and challenge people to continually learn

Pardon the rambling but here are the questions:

• how have your relationships past and present affected the current quality of your life and are they moving your closer to or further away from your goals?
• Are you better off long term from having known this person?
• Are they better off long term from having known you?
• Have the quality of their life or business improved from having associated with you and visa versa?
• When setting your goals since you cannot achieve them alone have you answered the WIFM question with regards to how it will affect others?

I will leave you with these thoughts:

• Personal: Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
• Business: 8 characteristics of ideal business partners
• Food for thought: Journey of a Serial Entrepreneur

What do you think?

The Secrets of #Business Success

For years I have read many books on how to run and build a successful business. Some books say write a business plan, others talk about elaborate systems of control, even others speak of marketing.  All of these are good but they do not speak to the core issues. 

There is a saying the more things change the more they stay the same. Fact is what is takes to run and grow a business has not ever changed. Before discussing how to create a successful business let me explain simple why businesses fail.  I will start with a simple truth – a business runs at an imbalance – that is it spends less money than it generates in revenue. An unsuccessful business spends more than it makes in revenue (to grow) or spends exactly what it makes. It really is that simple and that is why a business fails. 

Some will tell you either grow or die and that to some extent is true however it is not the growth that is important rather it is the type of growth – is it natural and sustainable and balanced based on true business needs (like the cycle of nature) or is it forced, cabalistic an hostile in nature like (like a predator in an ecosystem with a limited source of food). The first can be maintained it is controlled the latter if left unchecked (i.e. driven by greed) will lead to the demise of an already fragile ecosystem and the eventual death of the business and all associated with it. 

The underlying principles that determine the sustainability and success of your business have not changed since the beginning of time. 

• Respect
• Honesty
• Trust 

Without these three (3) basic ingredients a business will fail 

• Respect – seeing and understanding the value, contribution and importance of all things (people, facilities, equipment, contractors, suppliers, employees, clients, customers, etc) involved in the enterprise and maintaining or working to enhance or at a minimum maintain them.
• Honesty – understanding your core values and strengths and providing a full disclosure to all involved so that they can made an educated determination as to your value and ability as well as remove any doubt regarding your being able to execute the terms of the agreement and knowing that if you cannot you will tell them
• Trust – the obvious result of doing the first two.    

When these characteristics are in place people can them rely on you to and trust you with their wellbeing because fact is in business you are hired to solve a problem and you do not do business with people you do not trust long term. 

Sure a book will give you all of this great theory

• Microeconomics
• Macroeconomics
• Business Ethics
• Organizational Behavior
• Financial Accounting
• Managerial
• Accounting
• Sales and Marketing
• Human Resources
• Cash Accounting
• Accrual Accounting
• Leveraging
• Business Ethnics
• Supply and Demand
• Strategic Planning
• Business and Contract Law
• Information Mapping
• Manufacturing and Production
• Operations Management
• Statistics
• Technology and Information Systems 

And a host of other theories but as is always the case in the reality and truth of what is required is simple we as people make it complicated.

• Add value
• Do your best
• Solve Problems
• Keep your word
• Service before Self
• Spend less than you Earn 

If I have left anything off feel free to add

How to sabotage your business

I have not been feeling well the past few days – between my allergies, weather, and other issues have not been myself and have not been resting well. While recovering this topic has whirled around in my head.

As many of you know ethics and morals are my thing – just because something is legal does not make it moral or ethical and I believe because so many have lost sight of this. Without trust no business can be conducted. In fact trust is the basis on which all business is built at all levels and when it no longer is present business cannot and will not exist.

• What is the quickest way to build your sustainable business – establish trust and credibility
  
• What is the most effective way to decimate your business – erode trust
  

This post begins a series on exploring the various ways to destroy trust and credibility thus any hopes of your running or growing a profitable and successful business

• Childlike immature unprofessional behavior
  
• Betrayal and failing to keep your promises
  
• Lack of respect
  
• Dishonesty (lying) this includes misdirection
  
• Avoidance
  
• Stealing/theft
  
• Being defensive, critical and/or argumentative
  
• Being self-absorbed and/or self-centered
  
• Not accepting responsibility for your behaviors
  
• Control/power struggles
  
• Over estimating yourself (having to high an opinion of your value)
  
• Poor listening skills
  
• Not listening to the needs of your clients, suppliers, or employers
  

These topics may be organized slightly differently as each are explored – however it is important to understand regardless of your ability – if your business or services are views as a detriment to anyone you are doing business with – client, supplier, employee, employer due to their negative impact then those relationships will be terminated. Do not worry I will continue to scatter tech updates, reviews and related posts.

Before I begin I have a question – do you think this series will be helpful to you as a business owner?

Do No Harm!

These are the words at the core of the concept of the hypocritic oath. These words and concept caused me to reflect of late but before I share my thoughts let me share the full oath:

For some reason with Buddy’s death this oath kept rattling in my head because this was not just an oath to him but how he lived his life in general.

  

I swear by Apollo, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath.

To consider dear to me, as my parents, him who taught me this art; to live in common with him and, if necessary, to share my goods with him; To look upon his children as my own brothers, to teach them this art.

I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.

I will not give a lethal drug to anyone if I am asked, nor will I advise such a plan; and similarly I will not give a woman a pessary to cause an abortion.

But I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts.

I will not cut for stone, even for patients in whom the disease is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art.

In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing and all seduction and especially from the pleasures of love with women or with men, be they free or slaves.

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal.

If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot.

For some reason with Buddy’s death this oath kept rattling in my head because this was not just an oath to him but how he lived his life in general.

 

Lately I have been struggling with the issue of what is right. Seems like a cut and dry topic but it is anything but because it is actually a very subjective question based on one’s personal values. What may seem right to you may seem illegal or dare I say immoral to me. Your tradition may say it ia ok to lie and exploit to never give your word, to be vague and non committal and to tell people what they want to hear to further your own agenda and yet these things to me are wrong and the actions cause harm. 

Imagine this if you will – a ceremonial right of passage to adulthood where everyone is required to take an oath that is a part of a ceremony to induct them into adulthood. Imagine a cotillion or jabberwocky but for both sexes and regardless of social economic income. Imagine a children in front of their peers and parents taking a oath, a promise or commitment to live as a responsible adult.   

Consider this

Characteristics of Healthy Adult-Child Relationships

by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.

Healthy, functional relationships between adults and children (including teacher-student relationships) are characterized by the following. Increasing the presence of these characteristics in your relationships is a great way to improve commitment, communications, cooperation and consideration, and reduce stress and conflict as well!

Proactivity

The ability to recognize and, whenever possible, accommodate the child’s need for unconditional love and acceptance, safety, belonging, success, limits, fun, recognition and control (power), without allowing anyone else’s needs to be violated. Anticipating; doing before (there is a problem); letting the child know limits or conditions ahead of time. Alternative to reactivity.

Win-win

The ability to get one's needs met without violating anyone else, particularly with regard to empowering a child without disempowering oneself. The ability to resolve and prevent conflict by sharing power within an authority relationship. The ability to offer choices within limits to encourage cooperation instead of obedience and people-pleasing. Alternative to win-lose (powering or permissiveness).

Success Orientation

The ability to help a child succeed by giving clear directions, setting boundaries, offering opportunities to choose and negotiate, requesting age-appropriate behaviors and responses, accommodating curricular and learning style needs, giving opportunities to self-manage and staying in present time (teaching according to a child’s current needs, not anticipated demands of other teachers or grade levels in the future). Alternative to unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings, instruction or environments poorly matched to child’s needs, and "set ups" for failure, passivity or rebelliousness.

Positivity

The ability to differentiate the child's worth from his or her behavior. The ability to focus on what the child is doing right and building on strengths. The ability to create a reward-oriented environment in which consequences are positive outcomes and incentives received or experienced as a result of cooperation. The ability to communicate positively (using promises instead of threats, or reward instead of punishment, for example). The ability to maintain a sense of humor. Alternative to negativity and punitive orientation.

Eliminating Double Standards

The ability to interact and communicate with a child in ways that would be acceptable to an adult. The willingness to maintain consistency between one's own behaviors and those expected of the child. The ability to respond to a child’s behavior in similar ways as would be inspired by the same behavior if it were demonstrated by an adult. The willingness to accept the fact that childs require meaningful, positive outcomes for their efforts, just as adults do.

Boundaries

The ability to connect what you want with what the child wants in positive ways. The ability to motivate and reinforce cooperative behavior with outcomes other than adult approval or avoidance of negative adult reactions (shaming, criticism, abandonment). The willingness to withhold positive consequences until the child has held up his end of the bargain. The ability to immediately intervene breaches in conditions or limits of a boundary, avoiding warnings, delayed consequences, punishment, or praise.

Supportiveness

The ability to respond to a child’s problems or feelings with acceptance, support and validation. The willingness to provide outlets for a child’s feelings that will allow the child to externalize the feelings (get them out) without hurting himself or others. The ability to help the child seek solutions to problems without enabling, fixing, dismissing or judging the child's problems or feelings. The ability to resist adopting a child’s feelings or take responsibility for the solutions to his problems, either directly solving the problems or giving advice or solutions (“shoulds”).

Integrity

The ability to maintain congruence between personal values and behavior. The ability to hear and respond according to inner guidance and personal values. The ability to act within personal value system despite potential or actual criticism from others. The willingness to make decisions based on what is best for a particular child or group of children, rather than simply, automatically following tradition. The ability to withstand judgment, criticism and ridicule if necessary, without becoming defensive, apologetic or reactive. The willingness to maintain documentation to support decisions, when necessary.

Responsibility

The ability to take responsibility for feelings, without attempting to make others responsible. The ability to express feelings in non-hurtful ways. The ability to depersonalize and resolve conflict. The ability to work with the child's teachers (or other adults in the child's life) without projecting blame or demanding that they take responsibility for solving problems you may be having with a your child. The ability to resist blaming your child for lapses in your own behavior or language.

Self-Care

The ability to identify personal needs and feelings, set boundaries, take time for self, self-validate and get help when necessary. The ability to distinguish between self-care and selfishness. The ability to feel deserving of self-caring behaviors and decisions. The ability to use personal mistakes and failures as opportunities for new goals, strategies or growth. The ability to utilize support resources while maintaining responsibility for solving one's own problems. The ability to self-forgive. 

While I am playing here is a thought for a possible oath as a right of passage to adulthood. 

I promise by in front of my peers, family, before my ancestors and all those I respect and hold dear  to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath.

To consider dear to me, as my parents, those who taught me; to live in common with them and, if necessary, to share my goods with them; To look upon their children as my own, to teach them by my example.

I will  never do harm to anyone and will work to always preserve the purity of my life and those I interact with.

In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of those in living there, keeping myself far from all intentional wrong doing.

I will work to keep all things shred with me in confidence that do not violate this oath  of doing no harm secret and will not divulge personal or business confidential information for my personal gain .

If I keep this oath faithfully, I may I enjoy my life, finding both personal and professional fulfillment because I should be respected by all people of merit at all times. Further I am aware if I  violate my oath it may leave to my personal and/or professional demise or downfall.

Imagine if you will ever child having to take such an oath and signing it to be mounted on their walls and carried in a card form in their wallet or purse – what kind of country do you think this would be?

What are your thoughts?

Eminem - Role Model